I still don’t have a job…yeah I know. “I don’t like work, because I don’t like working.” And if I were cool enough to make shout outs that one would go out to my girl Nicole Snooki Polizzi! And if I were a guidette with a reality show and a pistachio commercial I would for sure write a book. I do have an interview on Monday though, so wish me luck!
Someone recently asked me if I could stand up and talk about my life for an hour. I answered that I could talk about my life for days. But only if the room had like 5 people in it and I could have my back to them. We all know how I feel about CFs so you can imagine how I would feel about speaking in a CF. But anyway; I decided that an hour is not even close to enough time to sum up my life. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Maybe that’s just because I like to talk a lot and well I do know the most about myself, like who doesn’t? My life is happy, tragic, sweet, bitter, beautiful, hideous, right, wrong, amazing and confusing. Which really that’s no different from anyone else, that’s just life in general. Really, I’m just trying to figure it all out.
I think we should question everything. Question ourselves, question others, question right and wrong, question staying and moving on. Question facts and opinions; question what we know and what we don’t know. I think that the only way to define life is by, well, just living our own. It’s never what you say; it’s always what you do. And words mean a ton to me, but they mean nothing if they don’t have actions behind them. By no means, do I mean that I always mean everything that I say; because well the truth about the truth is that it hurts. So we lie. Is it ok to lie to save someone from pain? Is it ok to hide the truth to avoid the hurt? Just like everything else in life, this has to be situational. Moment to moment, we have to hope that all the questioning we have done and all that we have previously been through will lead us to the right decision. With that being said, I should be honest. “To say that I am happy, well that’s just the saddest lie.”(Once again, if I could make a shout out that one would go to Kid Cudi.)
However, like I always say…giving up is easy. Feeling hurt is inevitable. And I’m not afraid to be vulnerable. So I’ll always give everything that I have. And if my heart is all that I have, then all of it is what I will give. I believe that holding back means missing out. Maybe being that way leaves me to hurt a little more but it also leaves me with no regrets. It will never be what I didn’t do. The pain will be temporary, but I think the thought of knowing that you could’ve done more or tried a little harder is something that would always be felt. Or maybe it’s just something that I don’t wanna feel. Heartache is something that everyone will unfortunately have to go through. To me though, the fear of a broken heart will never stop me from loving blindly. And by that I mean diving in head first. If pain comes then I will deal with it when I get to it. But my love will always be full and free, with nothing held back and no fear stopping me. Wait, I know what you are thinking, yeah that is a lot easier said than done. You are right. So, guess I will say that I will always try, it’s the most that I can do and I’m not afraid to do it.
“Love and loss, truth; it costs more than I can spare right now. Maybe it's simpler to lie.”-Ron Pope
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