So, it’s been a really long time since I’ve wrote. Maybe it will make you feel better to hear that in my time away I have saved the world and cheated death, twice. It would be nice to hear, but I’ll be honest…I haven’t really done anything worth writing home about. Just still living my very simple life. I did graduate from college though. I officially have a formal education. We will get to my graduation soon; yeah I’m a tease…but wait for it.
I’ll try to be more consistent this time around with my posts. So, if you wanna tune in for updates on the adventures of a jobless, in fafsa debt college graduate please keep reading. I’ll make it as interesting as I can, and I promise to always embellish for the sake of good story telling. So if you are here, I will do all I can to
keep you entertained.
We all have moments in our lives that shape us, make us, define us, and or break us…let’s just say that this one, well, scarred me. As in losing too much blood the cut needed staples scar.
Now we can go back to May 14, 2011. Or wait, we should go back to the 12th. Pretty sure I woke up with a broken neck. I like to think I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but this shit was serious. If we wanna go back a little further I will add that I had also been sick for a week, sore throat and cough style. Not to mention just the stress of finishing my last semester of college, and that a big portion of my crazy family was coming and that most of the things we would be doing were going to revolve around me. I’m just setting the stage ...the one I had to walk across in front of thousands of people on May 14th. That stage. Anyway, I was trying to tough it out, but I couldn’t even drive my car nor do anything that involved turning my head to the left. Finally, I called my parents crying(because that’s what adult college graduates do) and I told them that I thought I was dying and I wasn’t gonna be able to walk across the stage so to tell everyone not to come. I’m not dramatic or anything. Don’t worry. In hindsight though, this was for sure a sign to avoid the ceremony. I ended up going to the chiropractor with my aunt that day. Usually, the chiropractor is the good kind of pain. You know it only hurts for a little while but then you feel so much better; it hurts so good, that kind of pain. Not this time. He made me cry, and my neck felt worse. I left saying I would never go to another chiropractor. By this time I’m sure Caleb was seriously ready to kill me and I actually might have welcomed it. Once again, I’m not dramatic. I did get my nails done, which made me feel a little better. It’s the little things right? I was trying to focus on the positives, but my mind would not let me relax. I was a complete nervous wreck. I’m telling myself “really Hope? This is a good thing. You should be excited. It’s going to be an awesome weekend with family and friends.”(read that in my nice you are going to be ok voice.) For me though, this is way easier said than done. Fast forward to the graduation ceremony - So. Many. Freaking. People. I have never been a fan of big crowds, but this was more than I could stand. First, the gym was packed, every seat taken. Full of proud moms and dads, grandparents, wives, husbands, children, cousins, aunts, uncles, best friends, old friends, new friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, homeless people…you get the point. Too many freaking people. Then add in camera flashes all over the place, loud voices, and babies crying, and you are staring right at my worst nightmare. Then picture a long hall way full of happy graduates all wearing the same thing, talking and laughing, and taking pictures of each other. Then there’s me, trapped between a guy who won’t stop talking to me and 3 girls who won’t shut up. Both exits seemed equally as far away, I was trapped in the middle of chaos, telling myself to get a grip and breathe. My hands were sweaty, my head was pounding, and I might have thrown up in my mouth, I know, gross. I’m thinking “am I having a panic attack?” No, you’re right, that’s my problem…thinking. Do I stay? Can I stay? Do I look fat in this dress? How crushed would my family be if I peaced out of this CF? (CF-cluster fuck for those who don’t know. Excuse my language but it’s fitting). Long story a little bit shorter, I survived, how? I’m not actually sure; it was all just like a slow and painful bad dream. No sighs of relief yet! We still have the graduation party to go to!! Yay! I was better, but still dealing with my post-traumatic stress of the CF, just to walk into hugs and kisses and bbq and cake. But I put on my brave face and smiled for all the pictures. Normally, you think one would like this kind of stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I love presents, but everyone watching me as I open every single one, I’m not really fan of that. I know I shouldn’t have felt this way, because everyone there was there because they love me. I guess I just felt like I had to please them all, when really I just wanted to have a good -I’m certified crazy cry- and go to sleep. Clearly, I lived through the weekend to write about it. On the surface it was a huge success, so I thought I should share what was going on underneath and in my mind as all of this was taking place. I guess it’s true what they say; things are never as they seem.
I guess that’s all for now. Come back though, I’ll have another story soon. Just day to day things that happen and then what I think about them. Thank you for taking the time to read my words. I love you.
